Thursday, August 29, 2013

august 28

my birthday. no acknowledgment from any 'romantic' partner. gorgeous roses sent from platonic male friend of 20+ years, and might i mention he is currently in iraq. this is causing serious reflection. but... thank you. i love them. and i love you for being the most funny, smart, loyal, decent person i know.

Monday, August 26, 2013


my baby had her first migraine today. of all the things i could have genetically given her, this was one trait i'd hoped not to pass on. :(

Friday, August 23, 2013


So far this summer, I've had a burst eardrum, the kids have had head lice, I had an emergency appendectomy and hospitalization, and I'm turning 40. I'm afraid locusts and plagues are next. It's a good thing I have a sense of humor, Universe, otherwise I might have quit by now.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Day Four

First week, fourth day of school. The little one is home for the second consecutive day with a 102 fever, and a doctor's appointment this morning. I went home sick from work yesterday and was so nauseous I could barely move. If this week is indicative of the upcoming school year, it's going to be a long one.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Calming Manatee

I think "Calming Manatee" is my new favorite website. It makes me feel better. Don't judge me.

Friday, August 16, 2013


“Life will break you. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.” ― Louise Erdrich

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Dear you:

Dear you: I know you think that I'm heartless. And conniving. And devoid of remorse. None of these are true. I am flawed, yes. But if you think that I'm not sorry for the hurt I've caused, you are sorely mistaken. If you think that I planned this course for myself... again, wrong. We are all people. We are all doing the best we can. I am trying, really hard, to love you, because that is the next right thing to do. I forgive you for the awful things you've said about me. If you knew the truth, you'd say even more. I understand how you feel... trust me, I do. I've been in your place. I know your pain. And I never wanted to cause that. I understand why you hate me. But I am trying to give you the grace you deserve. We are the same. We are part of one another. I accept this, and I love you as best I can. With hope, B.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013


It's been a year. A long, stressful, anxious year. And I still don't know what to do. Isn't time supposed to work these things out?

Tuesday, August 6, 2013



It's tough, for me, to not feel like a complete failure on the day of what would have been a significant anniversary. That voice that says I'm terrible at relationships feels more right today than normal.

Sunday, August 4, 2013


An older woman, who is a complete stranger, came up to me out of nowhere today and touched my arm. She said, "you are so pretty." I've been smiling the rest of the day. Sometimes, a kind word with no agenda behind it is the most precious gift a person can give.

Friday, August 2, 2013


The babies' dad has them at the beach this week. The sheer joy in this picture makes me feel as though all is going to be okay. love to all of you. we could all use some, I think.