Saturday, September 28, 2013
i try to do the kind thing. i believe that kindness is its own reward; i also believe that once you give away what you want more of, that it will find you. if i feel poor, i give money (even a little) away. if i feel unloved, i tell someone how important they are to me. if i feel hurt, i try to comfort. i also believe that if you lie, constantly, and twist words and morality to suit your own desires, and then lie some more... you're not going to like what comes your way in the end. pretending to be a good person doesn't make you a good person, in case you hadn't figured that out in your years of education and study. it just doesn't.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
I'm trying, with more success some days than others, to see the good. To seek the positive. To notice the goodness and beauty. I think it's important for a lot of reasons. So: I have smart, healthy, funny babies. I have a wonderful friend who will laugh and drink and cry with me when she visits this weekend. I have people I love, that love me back. I have great recipes for both peanut noodles and pineapple fried rice. I have great jewelry and scarves. I can always find something gross on cable to watch. ("Momma, are you watching a murder show again?" "Yes baby. Better go in the other room.") I have a stack of unread books waiting for me. I laugh almost every day, at least once. You know, I'm a lucky girl. I may not have everything I want, but I certainly have everything I need, and that's the best thing to focus on. Love to all of us.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
A brief sample of questions my mother asked while I was helping her purchase a laptop computer: "Do I need to buy a wi-fi?" "Can this thing make phone calls?" "If I use someone else's internet will that mess up their computer?" "I don't understand how this works, do you?" Eventually, I just gave up and told her it was magic.
Sunday, September 8, 2013
a lot can change in a few days. nothing is secret, at this point, and what has become completely transparent are all the horrible lies he told to, and about, us to each other. and in the end she and i have spoken, and apologized, and clarified, and essentially - he's fucked. and he earned it. and i feel lighter.... embarrassed, and stupid, and ashamed... but also lighter. i hope she has all the strength and love and support she needs. i will help her if i can. i guess we're supposed to learn something, but my take-away at this point is that he's the most deceptive manipulator i've ever met. facing tomorrow with kindness and hope - b.